So peace has taken over my being again after another 24 anxious hours. I know I should go to the doctor but they will just want to put me on anti depressants and I don't want that. They're too long term. Too many side effects. I don't know what to do. I would have asked Dad but he's gone and I just don't know what to do. Why is it so hard to make my life work without him? it's like someone has ripped a hole in the fabric of my soul and I am desperately trying to sew it back together but it keeps tearing and getting bigger. Every time it gets bigger the pain gets worse. It's meant to be getting easier with time but it's not, it's just another day further in time from the day he went away. It drives me mad as I just go over and over the same emotional stuff everyday. I am so boring. I am obsessed with thoughts of him, the way my life was before he died. It made sense. I knew where I was going. Now I'm willing to take stupid risks for the sake of a 10 min buzz, I will take anything that will ease the pain. nothing numbs it. Nothing anaesthetises the hurt. I have no one to talk to no one to turn to. How could Dad just leave and there be nothing left of him. No remenamts of his being. No essence. I miss him being in my dreams.
Bah listen to me going on an on about the same ole shite... I really am pathetic. I am weak and a shell of a person.
I need to get a life... a life without all this pain. Plus I bought false lash effect mascara today and I look like a racoon!
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